As we all know, part of being single is having to field the constant inquires from parents, relatives, friends and sometimes even complete strangers as to why we are still single. Here is one of the most amusing insights I have read from a fellow solo and #365Love Get Connected member Glenn Millar.
Thanks for the chuckle!
No matter what your religion or ethnicity, it seems critically important to Mothers that you marry within your ethnic background. If you are Asian, your Mother wants you to date other Asians. If you are Catholic, you must marry another Catholic. And, if you are Jewish then you should find a nice Jewish boy or girl.
I can’t speak for other cultures, but in the case of Judaism there is a critical reason for marrying within the religion. In this way, we ensure that the guilt chain is carried down from generation to generation.
Parents seem to get angry when you date outside of your ethnic background. For instance, if you are Jewish, you can actually give your Mother a heart attack by dating a Catholic. Frankly, I am not completely sure why this is, when Catholics and Jews have so much in common.
They both come with Mothers who are over-protective, but are really good cooks. They both come with Mother’s who want lots of grandchildren and want them now. And of course they both come with truckloads of guilt. I suppose the difference is that in Catholicism the guilt comes from the entire religion whereas in Judaism, the guilt dispensary is handled exclusively by your Mother.
But both religions come with a Mother who considers it a personal affront, if not a mortal sin, that you are over 30, single and aren’t going to have children in the next 6 months.
Like all good Jewish Mothers, my Mother is always bugging me about getting married. “Have you met any nice Jewish girls?” she will always ask me. If I answer, “no”, she will invariably try and fix me up. She thinks she is Yenta the Matchmaker.
She’ll say to me. “I have just the girl for you.”
“Really Mom? Who is she?”
“A woman in my bridge club. Her Niece’s friend. A nice girl,” she replies.
“So you’ve never actually met her?” I ask.
“No, but she’d be perfect for you”
"Thanks, Mom. But, I don’t think so.”
“See if I care. I should go to my grave with no grandchildren.”
One time my Mother called me, once again, trying to fix me up.
“Glenn, you remember my friend, Doris Kilinivich?”
“Yes, Mom. But I didn’t know she had a daughter.”
“She doesn’t,” says my Mother. “But her husband Morty’s been dead two years now. Maybe you could ask her out.”
I’m always trying to get my Mother off my back about me still being single. I had tried everything, but nothing worked. When I moved to San Francisco I thought I had found a solution. You see, my Mother is extremely conservative. So one time when she called and as usual asked, “Have you met any nice Jewish girls?” I decided to play on her worst fears.
“Mom, you are not going to believe this. I met the perfect person. We are deeply and madly in love. We have so much in common. We do everything together. Even the sex is incredible. Mom, he is the nicest man you would ever want to meet.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone. “I have her,” I thought. “I have finally shut her up.”
Then, finally, the sound of my Mother’s voice. “So, is he Jewish?”
Glenn "Croc" Millar
February 14th of 2013 was my official re-entry into the world of dating and it was a shock to my system, especially after being married for 25 years. I had so many unanswered questions that made me feel somewhat anxious
Would I ever meet someone? I was told over and over there were no men out there. How would I get to meet someone? None of my friends knew anyone to introduce me to. And another whopper "how will it feel to get naked in front of someone new?"
That's basically how 365daystofindlove.com came to life.
I had all these concerns and questions when I started my journey, yet no matter whom I asked their response was always the same, "Your concerns are valid. There are not many good men out there and the ones that do exist want younger women!"
Now, after almost a full year of dating I can dispel all those false assumptions-questions and statements and guess what? The same goes in reverse for men – I have heard many men tell me they have a hard time meeting nice women!
So from a divorced woman who’s been newly out in the dating world over the past year – here are some tips for those who wish to try and meet someone:
- Make a personal list of hobbies and passions and get out and do them.
- Boundaries. Set them and stick to them. Know how you wish to be treated in a relationship and make sure that you are treated that way.
- Take your time with intimacy. I have a 6-date rule - dates full of conversation and laughs – but remember rules can always be broken.
- Go slow. In the work place we hire slow and fire fast - but when it comes to relationships we hire fast and fire slow. Foundations should be built strongly and you only have one opportunity to start at the ground level.
- Introduce your children only when you think your relationship may have wings.
The rest is up to you!
Ps: Make sure you come and visit me at The Solo Lifestyle Show Feb14-16. Register there in person for the trip for two to the Dominican Republic graciously provided by Viva Wyndham resorts, or you can register right here on my website. Just click on the link on the right.
Here I am, 52 years young and find myself in a place that I thought I had long ago left behind, never to revisit. Single and dating again.
I lovingly refer to this as my dyslexic dating stage as the last time I was single was in 1985 when I was 25.
I am not sure how I ended up in this strange land. I packed my bags, bought a ticket to paradise, or so I thought. I buckled up and took off on the journey, not knowing I would arrive at an alternate destination due to inclement weather. As the turbulence intensified my breathing started getting compromised. I knew I had to put on my oxygen mask first as I cannot help those I love unless I prepared myself first.
Talk about a surprise crash landing...with no lifejacket!
I found myself on a deserted beach of Divorce island - the rubble of what was my life before scattered all around. I realized I was bleeding but there was no time to tend to my wounds as there were other more fragile victims laying at my feet. The chair where my co-pilot once sat now empty, we were not abandoned but as the plane hit he got catapulted to a secluded island of his own. There was no survival manual in sight to guide either of us. All I was certain of was that all of us had to find our way back to a new reality.
Years have passed since that initial crash landing and I realize that like many, there is no rushing time. There is a process to life after divorce and we can't skip any stages.
We each choose our own pace with an emphasis on different elements of our transformation but there is no doubt that each individual will step forward into a new reality. I've spent 365 days finding out about love, where and how to find it, there's no doubt that things have changed.
My journey of 365 days to find love will be over on Feb 14th, just 2 weeks from now, but my adventure continues with #365 Get Connected.
Come see me at my #365Love booth at the Salon Vivre en Solo from February 14-16 and register to win a trip for two to Dominican Republic graciously provided to 365 Get Connected by Viva Wyndham Resorts. Each registered 365 Get Connected member will have the added bonus of getting a free one week trial of a great new app called Funbers, an anonymous phone calling system. Come check it out!
I am flying high and solo! With 365 Get Connected, the adventure continues.