#365 Love is not about being single, it is about being social

As we all know, part of being single is having to field the constant inquires from parents, relatives, friends and sometimes even complete strangers as to why we are still single.  Here is one of the most amusing insights I have read from a fellow solo and #365Love Get Connected member Glenn Millar.

Thanks for the chuckle! 

XO Cheryl

No matter what your religion or ethnicity, it seems critically important to Mothers that you marry within your ethnic background.  If you are Asian, your Mother wants you to date other Asians.  If you are Catholic, you must marry another Catholic.  And, if you are Jewish then you should find a nice Jewish boy or girl.  

I can’t speak for other cultures, but in the case of Judaism there is a critical reason for marrying within the religion.  In this way, we ensure that the guilt chain is carried down from generation to generation.

Parents seem to get angry when you date outside of your ethnic background.  For instance, if you are Jewish, you can actually give your Mother a heart attack by dating a Catholic.  Frankly, I am not completely sure why this is, when Catholics and Jews have so much in common.

They both come with Mothers who are over-protective, but are really good cooks.  They both come with Mother’s who want lots of grandchildren and want them now.  And of course they both come with truckloads of guilt.  I suppose the difference is that in Catholicism the guilt comes from the entire religion whereas in Judaism, the guilt dispensary is handled exclusively by your Mother.

But both religions come with a Mother who considers it a personal affront, if not a mortal sin, that you are over 30, single and aren’t going to have children in the next 6 months.

Like all good Jewish Mothers, my Mother is always bugging me about getting married.  “Have you met any nice Jewish girls?” she will always ask me.  If I answer, “no”, she will invariably try and fix me up.  She thinks she is Yenta the Matchmaker.

She’ll say to me. “I have just the girl for you.” 

“Really Mom?  Who is she?”

“A woman in my bridge club.  Her Niece’s friend.  A nice girl,” she replies. 

“So you’ve never actually met her?” I ask.

“No, but she’d be perfect for you” 

"Thanks, Mom.  But, I don’t think so.”

“See if I care.  I should go to my grave with no grandchildren.” 

One time my Mother called me, once again, trying to fix me up.

“Glenn, you remember my friend, Doris Kilinivich?” 

“Yes, Mom.  But I didn’t know she had a daughter.”

“She doesn’t,” says my Mother.  “But her husband Morty’s been dead two years now.  Maybe you could ask her out.”

I’m always trying to get my Mother off my back about me still being single.  I had tried everything, but nothing worked.  When I moved to San Francisco I thought I had found a solution. You see, my Mother is extremely conservative.  So one time when she called and as usual asked, “Have you met any nice Jewish girls?” I decided to play on her worst fears. 

“Mom, you are not going to believe this.  I met the perfect person.  We are deeply and madly in love.  We have so much in common.  We do everything together.  Even the sex is incredible.  Mom, he is the nicest man you would ever want to meet.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone.  “I have her,”  I thought.  “I have finally shut her up.”

Then, finally, the sound of my Mother’s voice.  “So, is he Jewish?”


Glenn "Croc" Millar 

February 14th of 2013 was my official re-entry into the world of dating and it was a shock to my system, especially after being married for 25 years. I had so many unanswered questions that made me feel somewhat anxious

Would I ever meet someone?  I was told over and over there were no men out there.   How would I get to meet someone?  None of my friends knew anyone to introduce me to. And another whopper "how will it feel to get naked in front of someone new?"

That's basically how 365daystofindlove.com came to life.
I had all these concerns and questions when I started my journey, yet no matter whom I asked their response was always the same, "Your concerns are valid. There are not many good men out there and the ones that do exist want younger women!" 

Now, after almost a full year of dating I can dispel all those false assumptions-questions and statements and guess what? The same goes in reverse for men – I have heard many men tell me they have a hard time meeting nice women!
So from a divorced woman who’s been newly out in the dating world over the past year – here are some tips for those who wish to try and meet someone:

  1. Make a personal list of hobbies and passions and get out and do them.
  2. Boundaries. Set them and stick to them.  Know how you wish to be treated in a relationship and make sure that you are treated that way.
  3. Take your time with intimacy. I have a 6-date rule - dates full of conversation and laughs – but remember rules can always be broken. 
  4. Go slow.  In the work place we hire slow and fire fast  - but when it comes to relationships we hire fast and fire slow.  Foundations should be built strongly and you only have one opportunity to start at the ground level.
  5. Introduce your children only when you think your relationship may have wings. 

The rest is up to you! 
Ps:  Make sure you come and visit me at The Solo Lifestyle Show Feb14-16. Register there in person for the trip for two to the Dominican Republic graciously provided by Viva Wyndham resorts, or you can register right here on my website. Just click on the link on the right.

Flying solo!

Here I am, 52 years young and find myself in a place that I thought I had long ago left behind, never to revisit.  Single and dating again. 

I lovingly refer to this as my dyslexic dating stage as the last time I was single was in 1985 when I was 25.  

I am not sure how I ended up in this strange land. I packed my bags, bought a ticket to paradise, or so I thought. I buckled up and took off on the journey, not knowing I would arrive at an alternate destination due to inclement weather.  As the turbulence intensified my breathing started getting compromised. I knew I had to put on my oxygen mask first as I cannot help those I love unless I prepared myself first.

Talk about a surprise crash landing...with no lifejacket!

I found myself on a deserted beach of Divorce island - the rubble of what was my life before scattered all around. I realized I was bleeding but there was no time to tend to my wounds as there were other more fragile victims laying at my feet. The chair where my co-pilot once sat now empty, we were not abandoned but as the plane hit he got catapulted to a secluded island of his own. There was no survival manual in sight to guide either of us. All I was certain of was that all of us had to find our way back to a new reality.

Years have passed since that initial crash landing and I realize that like many, there is no rushing time. There is a process to life after divorce and we can't skip any stages. 

We each choose our own pace with an emphasis on different elements of our transformation but there is no doubt that each individual will step forward into a new reality. I've spent 365 days finding out about love, where and how to find it, there's no doubt that things have changed. 

My journey of 365 days to find love will be over on Feb 14th, just 2 weeks from now, but my adventure continues with #365 Get Connected. 

Come see me at my #365Love booth at the Salon Vivre en Solo from February 14-16 and register to win a trip for two to Dominican Republic graciously provided to 365 Get Connected by Viva Wyndham Resorts.  Each registered 365 Get Connected member will have the added bonus of getting a free one week trial of a great new app called Funbers, an anonymous phone calling system. Come check it out!

I am flying high and solo!  With 365 Get Connected, the adventure continues.


XO  Cheryl 

As the days of year one come to an end, I reflect back to the wallmount hanging in my private space, where nobody sees. I share this with all because it is a mantra that rings true for all those who wish to live to their fullest potential.
When we embrace this, we may find our beloved is right in front of us.
See- what IS instead of what we imagine it should be and in the image we created.
What we think we WANT is not what we really NEED to be content and live in bliss.
We have all heard the term third wheel and possibly even felt like one at least once in our life- but after you read this story you will be amazed.
A member of 365 Get Connected told me her datenight story during one of our recent discussions. If I hadn't heard it with my own ears- I wouldn’t have believed it.
Few weeks ago, I was invited for a 3rd sushi date with a perfect potential boyfriend, that most women would be attracted to: tall, good looking, well mannered, well traveled, well educated, different interests, an MBA, VP for a large international organization, flowers on dates, cooks, good sense of style, successful etc......
As we were having supper, he said a friend of his was passing by, which didn't bother me, as I am a very social person :). However, to my surprise- it was a woman who he introduced to me as his ORACLE! I was kind of shocked, even more when he told me that she is a shaman, who is there to read my energy and to tell him if we are compatible or not- LOL! I don't have to tell you that she looked like a weird creep. So after the date, I sent him a text message that we should be friends etc.,- to which he replied with a 15 page text of how weird I AM and he changed his mind on dating me and he wants to date my best friend now. On top of that- he took his Christmas gift to me back!
Well to make it short, "NOT ALL IS GOLD WHAT SHINES".
To all you daters out there, remember one thing- three’s a crowd on a date at the best of times. But a "shaman" to evaluate the other person is just "shame on" you.


Seems that Santa got my wish list mixed up this year. I guess when I asked him to send me a beloved for the New Year- I forgot to specify a "new" one.
A card reader had informed me that my transition from 2013 into 2014 would be interesting. UNDERSTATEMENT! Apparently Venus is in retrograde- causing a lot of old relationships to reappear in my "present" day.
After settling down into my "single" bed at Kripalu that first night, I drifted off into a BLISSful state of sleep. There was total acceptance of the fact that I was at the retreat and flying solo.
Enter the ghosts.
The visions of years gone by did not however appear in my dreams. This is 2014!
Life's lessons were waiting for me when I woke up the next day.
Reminders of my past came in the context of text messages, emails as well as match.com notifications. New Years wishes, along with requests to reconnect were the main theme of each. Flattering, of course. For me- it triggered more self-reflection, as I contemplated what I learnt with each of those relationships, however brief or casual the interaction may have been. From long lost love dating back before I was married, to a long a distance romance of recent. All were people I had not heard from in eons. That goddess was working overtime!
As I scanned the screen, one message caught my eye immediately.
"Let's get married"
This stood out on my inbox like Rudolph's nose amongst the other reindeer.
Like a beautifully wrapped box, the intention was to tantalize my curiosity so that I may pick it up, rattle it around to see if I may like the sound what is tinkering inside.
I decided to leave the gift under the tree, admiring the "beaux" from afar and forever. I truly believe someone else would better appreciate the contents.
I don't know about you, but I find no matter how often I go out on that first date, the surge of nervous energy sometimes seems to transform the confident woman I believe myself to be, into somewhat of a schoolgirl going to prom.
Once the excitement settles down, I allow sanity to take over. I have developed some simple techniques that have served me well over the last 11 months and thought I would share them with you.
My rules of thumb are simple:
Be genuine, authentic- letting him know exactly who you are from the start. No Pinocchio routines.
Don't play games. If you are interested in going out with someone and getting to know them, make him aware of your intentions.
When he calls, answer- don't play hard to get. Do you want to meet or not!
Take time to make a good first impression, if you hope to have a second encounter. Not suggesting 3 hours at the spa but put your best you out there. Let's ask ourselves these question ladies; do you want to sit across from a man with dirty nails, sloppy attire and food in his teeth?
Getting ready for a date doesn't have to be scary!
Dress so that you don’t fidget all night- there is nothing worse than hair twirling. That is a bad habit to start with, but even more gauche at a dinner table.
Don't talk negative about people or your ex- bad form at any time. Respect is universal and your date will wonder how you will talk about him with others.
Try to order simple foods. You want to be able to stay engaged with your dinner partner, rather than struggle with your meal. Plus certain foods can be unattractive to watch someone eat.
Keep it casual and ask questions that keep the focus on the gentleman. Men love to talk and know you are interested in them. Plus- it leaves you mysterious and them wanting to discover more. Second date!!
Have fun- you can be flirty but not sexual. Show your femininity and playfulness with a touch of class.
Without sounding egotistical, I may not have found Mr. Right as of yet, but I do usually get a second date- so I must be doing something right. LOL
We all have to stick together and help each other on this journey to find love. Do you have any tips to share with the rest of us?
Let me know in share your story.
Over the last year, I have been told several times that I am a lot to "handle" or "take in" at first glance and might scare some men off.
It had been suggested that I tone down my appearance and style of dress.
The man for me will be confident and insightful enough to see through the clothes that I wear.
I am who I am and forever will be ME!
I found myself drifting down the corridors of Kripalu, drawn by the sound of distant laughter and the music.
The vibrant sounds that had captured my intrigue, reminded me of another place in time. I was momentarily being transported to 1978 and the streets of downtown Montreal- descending a staircase that would ultimately lead to the depths of some "Saturday Night Fever" wannabe scene at a night club and my rum and coke.
Yet here I am, at the entrance to Shadowbrook room, the main hall of the yoga retreat, doors flung wide open and hundreds of dancers floating around to the strong distinct tone of an Argentine tango. Their bodies moving as one, yet there are no partners on the dance floor. Everyone is lost in their own dance, but to the same beat. We are all solo in this routine - as in life.
The energy was so powerful. The majestic appeal was that it was all being generated from within their hearts, minds and bodies. There was no one intoxicated, as this is a dry retreat. Guided by the voice of Sage Peeler, there was a complete surrender to the dance- each movement was uniquely voluntary, natural, welcomed and embraced.
Sage and I have fun dancing for the female gods!
You moved us all. Literally!
Do your ever dance your solo like there is no tomorrow?
I have a friend that consistently sends me a prompter at exactly 11:11 to make my daily wish. I often wondered if she sets an alarm for the minute before the clock strikes or if she is just a beautiful witch.
My wish has been the same since day one of 2013- to find love, calm understanding of me and to feel and embrace my BLISS.
Not complicated, yet not so simple either.
A GENTLEman had given me a book on "finding your bliss" and I have taken it to heart. Through his helpful and insightful guidance, I kept going deeper into myself, which ultimately landed me here.
One year later, I found myself bringing in 2014 at the Kripalu Yoga Center - exactly where I was meant to be. A DATE WITH MYSELF.
I gotta dance everywhere I go- it's a part of me
Sitting crossed legged on the floor in a room full of strangers. Midnight meditation and chanting was lead by Rolf Gates and the experience was made mystic by the duo of violins and voice, an angel named Ida Jo.
As midnight rolled in, our eyes were closed, we were all individuals, one with ourselves. We were not single, married, mother, son. Status outside this space had no bearing in this place and time. We embraced our own mind, body and soul in silence and peace, welcoming ourselves to the New Year commencing.
There were no noisemakers other than our beating hearts.
No Champagne to drink (yes! day 3 of no wine and feeling great!)
Louboutin stilettos were on the shelf at home, replaced by UGG slippers at the door.
I missed my family and friends, but I knew because of all my introspection, my 11:11 wish had finally materialized and right on time. It was mine- I had my BLISS.
The peaceful view from my room
Thank you 2013 for all that I have become.
What will the NEXT 365 days bring to you?