Getting ready for that first date is often filled with anxiety, as most of us want to put our best foot forward and at the same time make the other person feel comfortable. We fret over the same things each time we are about to go out with someone new.
The ritual is always the same- where to go, what to do, what to wear (being tall I wonder heels or no heels) and then once you are face to face….what will you talk about?
Here are a few examples of icebreaker questions that I have found helpful in reducing the awkwardness of that first encounter. My albeit limited experience has shown me that in most cases, asking one or two of these questions prompted us to both relax and laugh. Isn't that what its all about anyway?
Gift of the Gab made easy:
1. What weird habit do you have that you would not normally share with a stranger or on your profile?
2. When you were little, what was your favorite toy and did you share it with siblings-friends?
3. What are you passionate about in life; something that makes your heart beat faster than usual?
4. If you could have an endless supply of one food, what would it be and what would you drink with it?
5. If you could close your eyes this moment and be somewhere else in the world where would it be?
6. If you had to give up something in your life this instant, what would it be?
7. Do you have something in your closet that you have owned forever and can't give it up and why?
8. What is the most sentimental thing you own?
9. How many years have you know your best friend and what makes them special to you?
A male acquaintance suggested that if a woman really wants to break the tension quickly, blurting out the question "do you like the top or the bottom?" would do it! Not sure this won't just entice another type of tension if you get my drift!
I will admit his comment made me laugh, but it’s definitely not my style to be so provocative on a first date (nor second, third or fourth for that matter!)
Where do you weigh in on this one? Do you have any tried and true icebreakers to share?
Tell me about them!
XO
Cheryl
The last 2 weeks has been whirlwind of activity! I went back and forth to California twice in one week.
Flying high- from LAXtoMTL
Why the back and forth you might ask?
Well let’s just say Idate and I dated.
I learned quite a lot in that short time and here’s the recap of my lessons of the week.
1: I attended the Idate conference in LA.
Dating and helping people meet is quickly and naturally becoming my focus. It’s also has become one of the largest industries worldwide. There is no limit as to the types of companies out there offering different services to facilitate the process. As a person looking on a journey to find to love, my question is how does one know what’s available and which alternative is best for me? Hmmm....."by George, I think I’ve got it!" #365love get connected!
Impromptu speaker of the day- moi!
2: I dated.
Something else I’ve learned, you meet someone that you are interested in, say so, people can't always read between the lines.
I just spent time with someone that I met two summers ago because I finally got the courage to say I was interested in him, and willing to allowing nature to take its course. Timing is everything, but there’s a lot to be said for letting our feelings be known.
Old masters reminded me that we are masters of our own destiny
3: There are times when we just need to do what we want rather than what we should. Upon my return from California, I decided to blow off the Grand Prix festivities and instead visited my talented friend Chantal Chamandy on her movie set in Ottawa. Hit by Lightning is the first star-studded movie she’s produced. I watched in awe as she moved around the set like a seasoned pro from dusk to dawn. I was where I wanted to be instead of where I should have been, and I felt liberated.
On set with Jon Cryer, Ricky Blitt, Chatal Chamandy & Will Sasso
4: Finally, we only conquer our fears if we face them straight on and with confidence. I faced my own fears at Idate, where I was asked to speak unprepared to a crowd about my blog, 365daystofindlove.com. When I dated, I conquered my fears again – I reached out to someone I liked.
Chantal showed me that conquering your fears is about staying focused and never giving up.
Chantal in action and totally focused
Do you think that’s how we all grow as individuals?
XO
Cheryl
Everyone knows what MIA stands for, but now it translates and explains my infrequent postings- and it's all due to "MY INSANE AGENDA".
I must confess that there have been several new developments in my dating world over the last 2 weeks (will share later!). The best date of all was last night at PF Chang's and not just because I crave their lettuce wraps.
While we are in dating mode, men may come and go- but there are certain relationships that we know will last forever. The "till death do us part" kind of love but with a twist. These are the connections that are built on solid foundations, history, unconditional love, and total devotion- the men that we can count on and cherish.
We have a special name for these men, FATHERS.
It is said we marry our mothers and fathers. I know I hope to meet a man that I will love and respect as much as I do you, dad.
By the way, this little man kept swooning and flirting with me at dinner.
His parents were embarrassed that he kept coming over to sit on my lap and they kept apologizing profusely- that is until I held up the evidence of his attraction, a forkful of the "great wall of china" chocolate cake, that we had been sharing. That said a mouthful, literally!
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach- at any age!
Happy Father's Day to all!
XO
Cheryl
On a recent trip to LA, I had the good fortune of meeting Mark Owen, president of Events and Adventures.
One night at Berri’s café, while sharing a delicious pizza and sparkling water- (yes, I somehow managed to find the only dry bar in LA, can you believe it?), Mark told me about his dating company and its concept, which is quite unique.
Events and Adventures believes that “having a great social life and meeting amazing people to date is all about being in the same place at the same time doing something fun together”.
The company’s philosophy is all about individuals getting out there and doing fun activities together in a casual setting, with no pressure nor awkward first encounters. Doesn’t that sound a lot better than sitting in front of your computer, window-shopping through inert profiles?
Experiences include dynamic events such as horseback riding, hot air ballooning, scuba diving and even travel packages abroad with other members of Events and Adventures.
When you relax and have fun - that's when you are the most attractive to other people.
XO
Cheryl
Following my post yesterday, read the scenario my dinner described and then think about the communication gap.
A man is watching the news, while his partner is taking a bath in preparation for a night out, and sees that the temperature will be dropping drastically later on. As he watches her get dressed for the evening ahead, he notices her choice of a sleeves dress and makes a remark, “maybe you should dress warmer or take a jacket”.
Clearly the woman then thinks to herself “is my dress too short, too low cut for his business dinner or do my arms look flabby?”
The woman then responds, “why, you don’t like what I’m wearing”?
I laughed. Been there, done that!
My dinner partner asks why women may react insecurely when the man was just expressing concern? I pointed out that it all has to do with communication. Delivery and receiving go hand in hand. The intent may have been genuine and caring, but the delivery and the tone make a huge difference. Not to mention, there was a key piece of information missing from the man’s original statement.
For all you gentlemen who have been in this exact scenario, next time try this: “Babe, while you were bathing, I noticed the weather for tonight and it’s supposed to be cold, so you may want to dress accordingly”.
Ladies- let’s give the guys a break. Remember, they protectors by nature.
Do you think we can learn “2” build bridges over the gaps?
XO
Cheryl
I was recently having a discussion with a gentleman during dinner about the difference between the way men and women think, speak and react. It was spurred on by our initial departure for the night.
When we left for our reservation, with a smile of appreciation for my appearance he also showed concern " those are quite the heels! Are you ok to walk all the way to the restaurant?" (This could have been a red flashing light if his delivery was different) I just said "these boots are made for walkin" He laughed, responding" looks good and functional, winning combo!"
Most men, in my opinion are not big talkers in comparison to their female counterparts. A mans good intent often gets lost in translation when delivering a message wanting to get straight to the point. A woman may then react to what was perceived as a negative comment, which could then result in the "war of the roses."
Stay tuned for my dinner date’s scenario on how that whole conversation could’ve gone wrong in his opinion.
XO
Cheryl
A friend and I were having a conversation about my 365 day adventure and she was expressing the fact that she felt the need to get out of her comfort zone but didn't know where to start.
Hmmmm?
We had not seen each other in over a month due to conflicting work schedules, so I suggested an early breakfast before our days commenced.
But I had a plan!
The Sofitel Hotel is known to be the power breakfast spot for business people due to its location, casual yet sophisticated menu, impeccable service and ambiance. As I have learned through experience go where the people go!
I arrive to find her sitting at a square table for 2, smack in the middle of the room; open arms greeted me with "I am so happy I could get us my favorite table!" Ok. This needs to be addressed! However there are priorities, lets order!
Coffee, yogurt parfait, scrumptious omelets and conversation about children, work, current events were all on the menu. All the while we are enjoying the scenery which leads me back to our seating arrangement.
I pointed out that while we were central, We could individually only see half the room. Not optimal for people watching.
Tip of the day: Request a table for four against a wall where both people can see the expanse of the room. The extra seats are a welcoming invitation to anyone that may want to join.
Bet your question is did we meet anyone during? My answer is, but of course!
That morning ended up being great for business networking. Who knows where that could lead? While working together on a event for his company I may meet Mr Right!
Do you have any people watching- socializing tips to share?
XO
Cheryl
For those of you who may be venturing out this weekend I thought I would share with you the mingle card questions from the champagne cocktail party I had last week.
It seemed to help break the ice for a lot of our guests and I figure if it worked for us it may work for others.
Your opening line could be "I received this questionnaire from a friend who has this website about getting connected and meeting new people and I was wondering if you would help me fill it out?”
Give it a try. What do you have to loose?
- What's your favorite pick up line?
- What's the worse pick up line ever been used on you?
- What is your ideal first date?
- If you were online what would your user name be?
Happy mingling!
XO
Cheryl