#365 Love is not about being single, it is about being social
Those famous words of Greta Garbo- forlorn expression, head slightly tilted back, lots of fluffy tulle in her dress- all very mellow dramatic.
That imagery comes back as I find myself alone in Miami, quietly reflecting on the days since February 14th - the start of my 365 days to find love.
Just a few miles down from this lounge area where I am presently holding court is South Beach, the trendy hub of Miami Beach. Collins Avenue- filled with beautiful people, happening events and the places to see and be seen.
So why is a social butterfly looking for love secluded from all the action?
The answer is simple...
Even the Eveready Bunny needs to recharge her batteries sometimes. This self- imposed down time is also giving me the opportunity to catch up on some reading, including The Spiritual Rules of Engagement by Yehuda Berg. A dear friend gave me this book, based on the teachings of kabbalah. It's his belief that it will help me understand the role I play as a woman in search of my next love.
If you are interested in exploring new philosophies, in the pursuit of finding your soul mate or more precisely in "helping them find you ", this is a must read!
You know where I will be for the next week- cabana on the beach, glass of Chateau D'Esclans Whispering Angel Rose, book in my hand and a please do not disturb sign on my private hot tub.
Could today get any better?

Hopeful tomorrows for the hopeful romantic


I live my life as if there are no tomorrows.

Friends and family at times wonder how I keep up with the frantic pace that is my life. For me, it's the only way I know how to live and I came to terms with that long ago.
I know it will take a certain kind of person to appreciate the butterfly in me- but I know that he is out there. Until then, I will keep relishing in every moment of the present and enjoying the people that are in my world.
Tomorrows seem along way off- far in the distance- yet I feel, deep down inside, that the person I will meet and share my life with is just around the corner.
Or maybe in Miami?
Stay tuned for vacation updates!
I have come to realize that sometimes it’s not only miles that put distance between two people, but rather the ability to adjust to the challenges that a long distance romance presents.
Communication is the life preserver that keeps you afloat.
If there is a time difference (anything over 3 hours) you will find conflicts that arise from daily patterns, such as work and sleep. Never mind the failure of technology when calls are lost or Skype just wont connect. At times, hurling your cell overboard is tempting.
Emails and texts (the Morse Code of today) are extremely impersonal, and if both people dislike the keyboard, you've got serious " mayday mayday" warning signals.
Imagine how frustrating phone sex can be if your cellphone dies- talk about man overboard!
You both have to be willing to commit to a certain amount of dedication to try and maintain contact, or not feel badly if the other person cannot give you as much as you need. We need to accept each other for who we are- not expect a speed boat to have sails.
Expectations are the ruination of any relationship and can cause someone to want to walk the plank.
You have to make the decision to learn to ride the waves until you reach calmer waters or jump ship and swim to shore.
I’m a great swimmer but I think I will stay on board for at least another port- continue working on getting my sea legs.
Would you be able to go the distance?

I just want to be me- experience it all and end up with bliss.


Yesterday marked the 200 days to go countdown of my yearlong journey to find love! I decided that I needed to do something big to mark the occasion.
Hmmm, what to do?
Then- I had an epiphany! What better place to chill out than in a hot tub?
Bota Bota beckoned and off I went with a girlfriend- both escaping reality for the afternoon. On this beautiful sunny day, there was no better place to be than on this floating oasis in the Old Port of Montreal.
Bikini- check
Flip flops- check
Robes- check
Cell phones off- check
Assume lounge position on the floating dock- check
White wine and salmon tartar- check
Hot tub, cold tub and steam- check, check and check
Chantal Desjardins and I relaxing 
OMG its 5pm!
Happy hour check!!!
At 7pm we moved on, reemerging into the real world but my self-indulgence was not over. A lobster roll from Muvbox Lobster Box right on the pier was calling my name. Could this day get any better?
Best date in weeks- thanks girlfriend!
Note to self: romantic setting for future hot (tub) date.
Where do you indulge yourselves? Let me know!
The countdown continues as I hit the big 200 days left to find love today!
Do I feel the pressure mounting?
The answer is a big fat NO!
If there is anything this journey has taught me so far- it’s that as much as I hope to share my life with someone- I have a pretty full life to content with, appreciate and enjoy already.
I was asked recently by a male suitor if the right man comes along, how I will have time for him, as it appears I lead a frenetically full social life.
Answer was simple and music to his ears- I WILL MAKE TIME!!
Cutting the cake- make a wish!
Happy anniversary to me!
Any words of wisdom for the next 200 days?!
It never ceases to amaze me that a man will think that by my age I have not heard all the classic pick up lines already.
It may be 25 years since my last dating experiences, but I can assure you nothing has changed. 
While I believe that all opening lines are delivered with the best of intention to just make an introduction, some just come off oh so wrong! It has taken a lot of self-control at times not to laugh out loud when faced with openers such as:
"Angel, how did you get lost from heaven?"  My reaction: "You little devil" then I flew away.
"Are you a famous movie star?" My reaction: "Yes, so please speak to my agent".
"I was wondering if you have tan lines?" My reaction: "Yes, but they are as fake as the line you just threw at me". (Like that person will ever know that answer!)
"Your name must be death cause your beauty just killed me" (This one totally freaked me out!) My reaction: "Must be cause this conversation is also dead”.
Would it not be more effective to approach someone we are attracted to and just say it as it is? Short and sweet? No one-liners?

I used to love the fairy tale about the princess kissing the frog, who turns into her handsome knight in shining armor.

Age and experience teaches us that we can’t change people- and I for one don’t want to try.

Remember, just because someone is not right for us doesn't mean they are not a good person. No matter how hard we pucker up, sometimes they will still remain a toad. Let them jump to the next lily pad and be appreciated for who they are while you go find your prince.

Following up on Amy Spencer’s article the other day, is the other side of the story…

While we all know which signs to look for in a man, in order to decide if he’s the perfect match- there are also signs we need to look for, in order to decide if he’s just not the one.

It describes warning signals to be aware of and why the person you are dating may just give you warts.

I am sure we have all had to use Compound W at least once…

Now, the bad news: You could be headed toward a dead end if… 

1. You roll your eyes at each other during an argument

You say potato, your date says… well, even if he or she says it the same way, it’s a given you’re not going to see eye-to-eye on everything. And that’s okay — your differences are what make things interesting! But while disagreeing is fine, it’s bad news if one of you rolls your eyes at the other during the argument. “The reason you roll your eyes at someone is because the other person is saying something you think makes absolutely no sense to you and you don’t respect what they’re saying,” says Hamburg. And since R-E-S-P-E-C-T is the cornerstone to any good relationship, take any eye-rolling you or your mate does as a bad omen. 

2. You can’t handle the uncomfortable silences

Every date has its quiet lulls here and there when the dialogue runs dry, and if these moments don’t faze you, congratulations for reaching that comfort level. But if you find yourself squirming in your seat, trying to come up with things to say, checking your cell phone hoping to find a voicemail, or going back to the same old topics (“Have you talked to your sister lately?”) that could spell trouble, since it shows you’re not really relaxed when you’re around them. Take it from Jason Parker of Atlanta: “The whole time my date and I were eating dinner, we’d have moments of silence during which she kept checking her cell phone,” he says. “Finally I asked her if she was waiting for a call, and she said, ‘No, I’m just checking the time.’ As if that was any better!” Whether this gal was indeed nervous or just plain rude, either way, Jason was relieved when their brief relationship was happily over. 

3. Your dates are always chock-full of distractions

It’s healthy for you and your love to fill your time together with fun activities and mutual friends — that is, as long as that’s not all you do together. “It’s not a good sign if the only things you’re saying to each other are, ‘Let’s hang with friends, or let’s do something like go to the ballgame or a movie,’” says Wolf. The reason: These things are buffers that help you avoid really getting to know each other, which may indicate that your one-on-one time isn’t so thrilling. If an offer of “Tonight, let’s just hang out together alone” doesn’t sound exciting, ask yourself: Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person? 

4. You find yourself criticizing little things about each other

Everyone tends to be positive to each other on the first few dates, “but if the other person starts making critical comments, like not liking what you’re wearing, that’s not good,” says Dr. Hamburg. Criticism, whether you realize it or not, is a way of pushing someone away — so if either of you are saying things that seem innocuous like, “That shirt looks weird” or “How can you stand living on this street?” you’re tapping into a bigger problem. “As time passes, you should find yourself wanting to treat your partner as well as you did at the beginning of your relationship,” says Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D., a relationship expert in New York, NY and author of Make Up, Don’t Break Up: Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples. If not, consider this breakdown in polite behavior very bad news. 

5. You only want to deal with each other when the chips are up
It’s a red flag if the person you’re with gives you the cold shoulder when you’re not feeling hunky dory about something in your life. Happily ever after means loving — or at least liking — someone when life isn’t so sweet. “I was seeing a guy who was usually wonderful, but when I would have a bad day and wanted to just talk to him or be near him, I’d call, and he wouldn’t call back for days,” says Rachel Harrison of Brooklyn, NY. “He just didn’t seem to want to know the whole me, in good times and bad.” And being able to weather the tough times — together — is definitely a quality that every good relationship needs. 


Tell me your fairytale gone wrong stories!





“The hardest thing about the road not taken is that you never know where it might have led.” 

- Lisa Wingate, A Month of Summer 

I am taking everything one day at a time and not rushing into anything. I need to follow my path, drive nice and slow and read all the signs- as I don't want to get lost.

Apropos to yesterday's blog "What's the rush?", I stumbled onto this article while on match.com (yes, I am still on it!). The author, Amy Spencer, details some of the signs we can look for, in order to identify if the person we are dating is our "perfect match".

Read on and tell me what you think.

Wonder if this one’s The One? Below are some telltale tip-offs you two are headed for happily ever after — plus, five clear-cut clues that spell bad news. 

First, the good news: You’re headed toward happily ever after if…

1. You discover quirky things you have in common

It’s one thing to discover you both like the new Coldplay album. It’s another to discover your tastes or habits jibe in more surprising ways. “What confuses people is that they think they’re a match because they have things in common that many people have in common, like favorite books or songs, so they’re fooled into thinking they’re on the same wavelength,” says Sam R. Hamburg, Ph.D., author of Will Our Love Last? “The more uncommon and surprising your similarities are, the better.” That was definitely the case for one Rochester, NY dater named Patrick McAvoy. “I have this weird habit of belting out what I’m doing in song, so when I started dating Bethany, one morning I started singing ‘Here I am, in the shower...’ to the tune of Jesus Christ Superstar,” recalls the 29-year-old. “When she started singing back, making up more words to the same tune, I couldn’t believe it! I knew it would work out.” And it has — for three years so far.

2. Neither of you flinch when the future comes up

It’s a new-couple nightmare: One of you blurts out something like, “Ooh, next summer we should go to Greece” — and then freezes, fearing the other person will think, “Next year? We don’t even know if we’ll make it to next month!” But if you and your date don’t bat an eye — or better, smile and agree — you’ve successfully crossed a crucial divide. “It’s a sign that you both feel stable in the relationship,” says Sharyn Wolf, author of So You Want To Get Married: Guerilla Tactics For Turning A Date Into A Mate. So while we don’t suggest making plans with your date for next Christmas, take careful notes on what happens if you do mention some advance planning. 

3. It’s super-important that your friends like your new partner

You thought introducing your date to your parents was the ultimate test? On the contrary, introducing him or her to your friends is even more pivotal. That’s because while you can’t choose your family, you can choose your friends, so they reflect the person you’ve become over the years. So if you find yourself prepping your pals about someone you’d “really like them to meet,” it’s a sign you’re seeing this relationship as more than just a fling. “When I introduced my girlfriend Yvi to my friends, I was completely nervous beforehand because we were from such different worlds — she was a Hispanic girl from Newark, and I was a banker from the Jersey shore,” says Dave Koczan-Santiago. “And truthfully, things didn’t click right away. But when I realized how important it was to me that they all like each other, I knew the relationship was a bigger deal to me than I even thought it was. Now here we are, more than a decade later, happily married.” 

4. You think in “we” terms even when the going gets tough

Sooner or later, all couples start transitioning from “Hey, what are you doing Saturday night?” to “Hey, what are we doing Saturday night?” Sure, that’s good, but for a real gauge on your relationship, see how you react to these scenarios: If your date wants to leave a party early, do you happily offer to leave as a couple rather than feeling annoyed or wanting to stay on your own? If your boss wants you to plan a business trip, do you wonder whether it fits with your sweetie’s schedule? These are signs you’re truly willing to merge lives, and it’s all the more telling if you weren’t into your date’s “thing” to begin with. “I live in New York and could live my whole life without a car and be happy, but when my boyfriend said he wanted to bring his Chevy pickup with him when he moved here from Boston, of course I offered to help him find cheap insurance and parking,” says Erin Brennan. “The interesting thing is that after driving it a few times and investing all the time in helping him, I found myself telling people about ‘our’ truck and really starting to understand why he loves it so much.” 

5. You constantly stumble across things you want to share

Most couples will exchange a few “thinking of you” phone calls or emails when they’re apart. But if you can’t walk down the street without tripping over some funny story to tell later or can’t leave a store without thinking at least once, “Oh, my sweetie would love that…” then things are rosy indeed. Basically, it’s a sign that while you may not realize you’re thinking about your date, you are and just can’t help it, explains Wolf.

Question is, do you believe in there being a "perfect" match? 
Tell me your thoughts! Go to love stories and submit your wish list for your perfect mate.